Anyone who fills three hours every weekday on the radio must have a lot to say. And if the radio personality was once a lounge singer and a Las Vegas cocktail waitress, imagine the stories she could tell? A reader would expect Heidi Harris’s “Cocktail Waitress Wisdom” to be chalk full of her lessons learned via juicy stories of her days toting drinks to celebrities and high rollers. And Vegas being Vegas maybe there would be some chronicling of after hours hijinks with said celebrities and high rollers.

No such luck for buyers of the “Las Vegas’ Radio Showgirl’s” first “book.” Amazon advertises Harris’s effort as 56 pages, however, many are blank and the typical page contains less than 100 words. As one reviewer on Amazon wrote, “I’ve written Amazon reviews that are longer.”

While readers may not be familiar with Ms. Harris, she is Sin City’s Ann Coulter: svelte, blond, irrationally conservative, with an adoring audience. So, how does a girl go from carrying trays of drinks to carrying the water of Republicans Monday through Friday? Unfortunately, none of this wisdom is shared in “Wisdom.”

screen-shot-2016-10-02-at-12-41-25-pmMs. Harris spends her precious few words giving the reader advice gleaned from her nights serving, and working with, drunks. Much of it is good advice. “Save Your Huff For Something Important,” she writes. Maybe that’s why this book can be read cover-to-cover while stopped at one of Las Vegas’s notoriously long red lights; she’s saving her good stuff for another book, which on the back cover she claims is coming soon. It’s been six years, “soon” has come and gone.

Harris must have stories aplenty. For instance, the waitress who lost her rent money in a slot machine a day prior to being due would be great fun to read about. “Frankly, cocktail waitressing attracts a lot of irresponsible people,” writes Harris. Like they say on Sirius Radio’s “Hair Nation” channel, “Bad decisions make for good stories.” Harris has the stories, she just doesn’t tell them.

The tales of her life in fishnets must be tawdry, but the author goes to great lengths to sanitize bar and casino life. For instance, she claims only one of her bosses tried to bed her in 12 years. As unlikely as that seems, perhaps it has something to do with, as she writes, “I can be pretty crabby myself–ask anyone!”

Unfortunately, the Radio Showgirl must be filled with doubt, for she advises us, “When in doubt, leave it out!”

She’s practicing what she preaches, her interesting material still trapped in her memory. With her next book, let’s hope she’ll muster the courage she displays on the radio.